Microsoft to acquire the federal government of the United States

****REDMOND, Wash. -- Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusationsmade by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp.[NASDAQ:MSFT]announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of theUnited States of America for an undisclosed sum. "It's actually alogical extension of our planned growth", said Microsoft chairman BillGates, "It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone".

Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of theWhite House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of thepress that changes will be "minimal". The United States will be managedas a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering isplanned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected tobe profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft presidentSteve Ballmer.

In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willinglyand enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president withMicrosoft, and will continue to manage the United States government,reporting directly to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up themantle of executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred toit as "a relief". He went on to say that Gates has a "proven trackrecord", and that U.S. citizens should offer Gates their "full supportand confidence". Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the$200,000 annually he has earned as U.S. president, in his new role atMicrosoft.

Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmondas "silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions forthe U.S. government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters.Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" beabolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look howwell we're doing". When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition ofCanada was proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions aretaking place". Microsoft representatives closed the conference bystating that United States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes,increases in government services and discounts on all Microsoftproducts.

About Microsoft
Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader insoftware for personal computers, and democratic government. The companyoffers a wide range of products and services for public, business andpersonal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier andmore enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power ofpersonal computing and free society every day.

About the United States
Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successfulnation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracyand opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C.,the United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.

Copyright BS Newswire. All rights reserved.