Translation Guide to a Recording Session

by anonymous

This little gem was found floating around the 'Net. Thanks to Dan Pfeiffer for bringing it to our attention

Musician to engineer: "Could we have more band in the phones?"
Translation: "The singer is too f**king loud in the phones!"

Singer to engineer: "I can't hear myself."
Translation: "I don't want to hear anyone but myself."

Musician to guitarist: "Can you hear yourself okay?"
Translation: "You're too f**king loud in the phones!"

Bassist to band: "Can everybody hear the drums?"
Translation: "This band is swinging like a broken record!"

Drummer to bassist: "Can you hear the kick drum?"
Translation: "We're not locking....."

Musician to producer: "Could we have more piano in the phones?"
Translation: "Your artist can't sing in tune."

Musician to writer: "This song has nice changes."
Translation: "It's amazing what you can do with two chords."

Musician to producer or artist: "This song sounds like a hit."
Translation: "This song sounds like another song."

Producer to band: "It's a feel thing."
Translation: "I know the song sucks, but the artist wrote it."

Musician to producer: "I don't think we'll beat the magic of that first take."
Translation: "Please don't make us play this piece of s**t again."

Drummer to band: "Should we speed up the tempo a couple of clicks?"
Translation: "Do you all intend to keep rushing?"

Musician: "Could we listen to one in the control room?"
Translation: "These cheap phones make it sound like Radio Free Europe."

Producer to band: "Let's take a break and come back and try one more."
Translation: "I think I'm having a nervous breakdown."

Musician to producer: "Were we booked for two sessions today?"
Translation: "Another three hours of this and I may have to kill you."

Producer to band: "We're supposed to be done at six, but we've got only one more tune and I was wondering if we could skip our dinner break and work straight through."
Translation: "You'll be done at nine, and you'll be starved."

Artist to producer: "I don't like this song. It really sucks."
Translation: "I didn't write this song."

Producer to artist: "Trust me. It is a good song. Radio will love it."
Translation: "F**k you! I own the publishing on this song. Morons will buy it."

Singer to musician: "Can you play something like (so-and-so) would play?"
Translation: "I really wanted (so-and-so) on this record."